VALY HAPPANTINES DAY

I had a horse once. Lippy Dave has NINE! Yay!

He shouldn't have paraded them through town though, even if it was the Annual VD Parade. What happened after he got arrested... it was no holiday.

The trouble started inside City Hall.

On behalf of the City, the prosecutor asks if Dave prefers to clean up the ninefold horsepuckey or pay a fine.

D.A. Vanny: "Peel shit? Pay?"

Sez Dave, "Nay, ye vapid heplants!"

His girlfriend wonders what the fuss is all about, having missed the parade by a mile. She chimes in with, "Yelpin' vents had a yap?"

Dave sez, "Yes, Ann, yap! It heal VD."

"Really?" sez the DA.

"Yup," sez Ann. "Yappy, valid, then sane."

But the horsepuckey from last year's VD parade has gone through the sewers and things are growing down there. Out of the manhole cover outside City Hall, green slimy tendrils venture forth into heavy city air.

A man standing on the corner turns to the woman standing to his left and sez, pointing, "Hey, lady!! Happantvines!"

The vines, emboldened by the greeting, surge into City Hall and scoop up the DA in mid-rant. Kicking and screaming, Vanny is dragged through the halls, down the stairs, past the security desk, out the large iron doors, across the sidewalk, and schllooooppp! down the sewer. As his screams of protest echo in awful Doppler effect, bystanders can only imagine the numerous indignities to which he will forever be subjected-- and from this time forward, they will only be able to refer to these horrific shared suppositions as "[n]".

The woman on the corner turns to the man and sez, "Dat vine slay??! Y happen?"

He's not sure whether what he has just witnessed was actually fatal. It all happened so fast! Hopefully, he sez, "I dunno..... but you know, vapid 'net play heals [n]. So maybe it'll be all write!"

~S~

(c) 2/14/01 Susan Hinton
For her dear friend, a moose.