"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

What the hell is a bird in the hand worth? If you have a bird in your hand you're going to get pecked, clawed, and shat on. I don't want a bird in my hand! I want that fucker skinned, stuffed with cornbread dressing, and ready to pop in the oven. Otherwise, leave the damned bird in the bush along with its friend!