I collect quotes. Quotes that tickle my humor, quotes that elegantly sum up some aspect of life, quotes that restate universal truths in a fresh way.
Here are some of mine.
What are yours?

Rich McCarthy

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Cruella DeVille

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

"O senseless man, who cannot possibly make a worm and yet will make Gods by the dozen!"
-- Michel de Montaigne (1533-92).

Washing one's hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with the powerful, not to be neutral.
-Paulo Freire

Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination."
- Mark Twain

Never argue with an idiot, they just bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

I expect complete individual responsibility.
Praise (WYSIWYG)

To get to heaven, turn right and go straight.

A committee is an animal with four hind legs

SAVE THE WHALES; COLLECT VALUABLE PRIZES

Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

"There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophies. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; my philosophy is kindness."
The Dalai Lama

There are some people who will argue whether the flames are blue or green, when the real question is that their arse is on fire.

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
- Attributed to Yogi Berra -

Nothing proves the existence of intelligent beings in space more than their failure to contact us.
- Bill Watterson, creator of Calvin and Hobbes -

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt, This is My Story -

Wall Street indexes predicted nine out of the last five recessions.
- Paul A. Samuelson, Newsweek (Sept/1966) -

Men are always sincere.They change sincerities, that's all.
- Tristan Bernard, Ce Que l'On Dit aux Femmes -

Capitalism, it is said, is a system wherein man exploits man.
And communism--is vice versa.
- Daniel Bell, The End of Ideology -

What people say about you behind your back is your standing in the community.
- Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings -

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
- Albert Camus, L'été -

Masturbation: The Human autoexec.bat

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend...
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read anyway...
Groucho Marx

Deja Moo: When you think you have heard this bullshit before

Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

A man about to speak the truth should keep one foot in the stirrup.
Old Mongolian Saying

And, here are some musical quotes:

"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs.
There's also a negative side."
--Hunter S. Thompson

Life is like a shipwreck. Don't forget to SING in the lifeboats.

From a James Taylor song, "The secret of life is enjoying the passing of time".

"Stop your feudin' and fightin',
Kick those no-good wars,
Beat your swords into ploughshares
And your guns into steel guitars."
Malvina Reynolds (Singin' Jesus)

"Classic music is th'kind that we keep thinkin'll turn into a tune."
---Fred McKinney Hubbard---

(Your favorite musician here) is wandering around, on foot, hopelessly lost. Asks a person on the street: "Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to Carnegie Hall?" ""Practice, my son, practice."

"I hate music, especially when it's played." ---Jimmy Durante---