John the Murderer - a Business Plan

I am a trainee murderer - my name is John
I do hope you will bear with me -please don’t get me wrong
My aim’s a career in homicide - the college course is Murder 101
There’s two modules - Killing for Profit - and the other’s Psychopathic Fun
I’ll start off working for meself - but I’m not trying to be funny
Long term aim is workin’ for the mafia - I’ve heard they do pay decent money.

You can use a gun, or axe, a rope or even cyanide
The possibilities will be endless - When I get qualified.

You need an interesting angle - you need that creative knack
You can have a mate to help you, or you can do it on your jack
We’ll be THE BANANA KILLERS - which sounds quite rock’n’roll
And in this folie a deux - I have worked out my role.
I’ll shove bananas in the victim’s mouth - that bit will be fun
And murderer number two can shove bananas up his bum

You can use a gun, or axe, a rope, a banana or even cyanide
The possibilities will be endless - When I get qualified.

There’ll be late night TV shows about us, if we do it well
Perhaps a thinly veiled portrait of moi, in a book by Ruth Rendell
But of course justice always triumphs, the baddies always fail
They’ll get the banana’s DNA profile, and the whole bunch will get jail.
Basically that is my business plan - how I think it could be done
By John, trainee assassin, studying Murder101

Words and music by Alan Whittle Copywright October 27th 2018