December 2000 marked the centenary of the Audubon Clubs’ successful efforts to replace the “side hunt”, an annual Christmas Day orgy of competitive shooting of wild birds, with a better reason for going out to look for birds on Christmas morning. That was the beginning of the annual Christmas Bird Count, and I decided to commemorate the event by seeing what The Cutty Wren might be like in a 21st century birdwatching context. The title is "Wren 2K".

“Why have we all gathered?” said Miller to Mulder
One fine Christmas morning, just as the sun rose.
“We’re off to the forest with checklists and pencils,
For this is a bird count” said Fessel to Fose.
“A bird count! A bird count!” said John the Red Nose.

“Are there other counters?” said Miller to Mulder
One fine Christmas morning, just as the sun rose.
“Throughout North America, there are small groups
Who all share in the counting” said Fessel to Fose.
“The counting! The counting!” said John the Red Nose.

“How large is the forest?” said Miller to Mulder
One fine Christmas morning, just as the sun rose.
“When we’re in the center, we can’t see the trees at
The edge of the forest” said Fessel to Fose.
“The forest! The forest!” said John the Red Nose.

“Why is that important?” said Miller to Mulder
One fine Christmas morning, just as the sun rose.
“Because there are birds who are bothered by creatures
That live at the edges” said Fessel to Fose.
“The edges! The edges!” said John the Red Nose.

“Have we an example?” said Miller to Mulder
One fine Christmas morning, just as the sun rose.
“The small winter wren, who we’re hoping to find
Has not yet left for winter” said Fessel to Fose.
“For winter! For winter!” said John the Red Nose.

“Is that not peculiar?” said Miller to Mulder
One fine Christmas morning, just as the sun rose.
“This wren got its name at the opposite end
Of its winter migration” said Fessel to Fose.
“Migration! Migration!” said John the Red Nose.

“So is this wren common?” said Miller to Mulder
One fine Christmas morning, just as the sun rose.
“It’s widespread, not common, and it is the one wren
That’s also in England” said Fessel to Fose.
“In England! In England!” said John the Red Nose.

“So why bother counting?” said Miller to Mulder
One fine Christmas morning, just as the sun rose.
“We must gather data, so we can be warned of
The threat of extinction” said Fessel to Fose.
“Extinction! Extinction!” said John the Red Nose.

“What causes extinction?” said Miller to Mulder
One fine Christmas morning, just as the sun rose.
“Two prominent reasons are habitat loss and
The spread of pollution” said Fessel to Fose.
“Pollution! Pollution!” said John the Red Nose.

“How can we prevent it?” said Miller to Mulder
One fine Christmas morning, just as the sun rose.
“We must limit growth, lest we lose many species
That dwell on our planet” said Fessel to Fose.
“Our planet! Our planet!” said John the Red Nose.


You can download a lead sheet with these words and the melody here .