The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #159235   Message #3997811
Posted By: Bee-dubya-ell
25-Jun-19 - 10:41 AM
Thread Name: BS: Rap for emperor
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
During a recent fit of pondering*, it occurred to The Imperial Ignoramus that, to the best of his admittedly limited knowledge, there is no official Imperial currency. We therefore suggest that the Squat be adopted as the default Currency Of the Realm.

The Squat would be an appropriate medium of exchange for The Empire because having Squat and not having Squat mean exactly the same thing. A handful of Squat and a dump truck full of Squat are of identical value. They're both worth nothing.

Consider the savings the Imperial Treasury would accrue by adopting the Squat as Imperial currency versus adopting some other currency that has "real" value. Since a Squat is of no value, there would be no need to mint or print physical coins or bills (unless The Emperor should choose to produce limited runs of worthless coins to toss to street urchins and/or buxom female subjects during Imperial Parades). There wouldn't even be any need to create spreadsheets detailing the digital transfer of Squats from one account to another since all such accounts would be empty. Computer resources could, therefore, be put to more valuable uses like viewing pictures of kittens, puppies, and overpriced guitars and banjos.

We further suggest that the denominations in which Squats are issued be:

The Squat, having a value of one Squat
The Pi-Squat, having a value of 3.1415926535897932384626433... Squats
The Diddley-Squat, having a value of a brand new house by the roadside made outta rattlesnake hide

* Fitful pondering is part of the Imperial Ignoramus's official job description. To quote from the Official Document of Investiture:

"The Imperial Ignoramus shall, from time to time, devote a portion of his so-called attention to pondering stupid things beyond the ken of those in possession of a sound mind."