From Bawdy Barrack-Room Ballads by Hugh De Witt (1970), page 58.


LIFE PRESENTS A DISMAL PICTURE

Life presents a dismal picture,
Dark and dreary as the tomb :
Father's got an anal stricture,
Mother's got a prolapsed womb.

Sister Susan's been aborted
For the forty-second time,
Brother Bill has been deported
For a homosexual crime.

In a small brown-paper parcel,
Wrapped in a mysterious way,
Is an imitation rectum
Grandpa uses twice a day.

Jill has chronic menstruation,
Never laughs and never smiles.
Mine's a dismal occupation,
Cracking ice for Grandma's piles.

Cousin Peter's got paresis,
Little Jennie cannot play.
Uncle Joe converses with Jesus,
And says : 'I'm Queen of the May!’