I write to ask for your help in combatting an invasive and potentially crippling ailment that guitar players are particularly susceptible to. It starts completely unnoticed by the host, but gradually develops into seemingly mild symptoms, but at increasingly more frequent intervals.

The first tell tale signs are typically when the sufferer starts to say things like: “this is going to be the last guitar I will buy, because it’s all I ever wanted”. Within a year, the novelty has worn off, and they can be found scanning the Internet for yet another ‘must have’ acquisition. Excuses are too easily found to justify filling the house with more and more instruments - a high end guitar for recording purposes, a lesser one for gigs at dodgy venues, one with high action for slide playing, one in open tuning because you don’t like re-tuning on stage, a classical guitar for that version of ‘Suzanne’ you used to do, a twelve string just in case you ever get a request for ‘Mr Tambourine Man’ again, a parlour guitar for lovingly recreating that Robert Johnson sound (even though, to be honest, surely all your love’s in vain), a mandolin that you genuinely intend to learn to play properly someday, a 5 string banjo that you thought would be easy to play because the tuning is close to a guitar’s after all, and a ukulele for the kids/grandkids to play on (rather than them smearing peanut butter on your new Elixirs on the OM 28).

You can help abate this debilitating affliction by giving generously, not of your money, but of any space or vacant property/real estate for sufferers to house their ever growing collection of instruments. If you are unfortunately already a sufferer, feel free to send any of your rarely used acquisitions to me, who can provide a good care home for them (especially any pre-War Martin dreadnoughts, V class Taylors, Gibson Granada five strings or Lloyd Loar mandolins).