But he makes your house smell of dog. I've never been to a house with a dog that doesn't smell of dog. And almost all dog owners seem to think that you won't mind if their unhygienic animal wants to make physical contact with you.

The most entertaining cat incident I ever saw was one evening when we were being wined and dined at the house of friends of ours. The host had set the table with the starters in place, prawn cocktails. We were in another part of the room having a drink when, to my horror, I saw their cat, back feet on the chair, front feet on the table, licking one of the prawn cocktails. No-one else saw it. Well I made a decision that has plagued my conscience ever since. I decided to say nothing - unless either Mrs Steve or I ended up with the tainted prawn cocktail. It didn't happen, and the host devoured the licked grub with relish. Had I said something at the time it might have spoiled the evening. Had I or Mrs Steve ended up with the licked food I'd calculated that I could have confected a story that my food looked licked. I felt terrible about letting the chap eat what I wouldn't have touched with a ten-foot bargepole. Still do, 35 years later, when I think of it. Damn.