Je fais tous mes efforts!

Yeah, and even the cruel sister didn't *hit* me, she was extremely skilled at saying exactly the most hurtful thing at exactly the worst time in exactly the worst tone of voice to make me cry, so they could all have a good laugh. Her issue with me was that for 5 years she'd been the youngest, and when she was told a baby was coming, nobody told her I would *stay*.

When Daddy was killed she went into an I'm so sorry Mrrzy that I was so horrible to you as I realize now that if it had been you that died and I had never been nice to you I would have felt so much worse, so she and I are OK now.

And the eldest, who was forced at age 7 to raise me as mom wouldn't, is coming today and we will have a family therapy thing which will be great. Not her fault she spoiled me rotten, a) she was 7 and b) mom would yell at her if I cried, apparently, but then turning around and blaming me for *being* spoiled and awful, which she still does, laughing, has got to stop.

I don't want to *blame* her but I do want her to take responsibility. And "I can't talk to my 'mother' that way" - not without help. I tried to talk to the middle of my older sisters but she, wisely, bailed on being in the middle.

I actually love my family.