The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #167189 Message #4032220
Posted By: punkfolkrocker
04-Feb-20 - 12:31 PM
Thread Name: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
Subject: RE: BS: Thoughts for Mrrzy
Mrrzy - Hi, just noticed your PM.. I don't like PMs, I prefer to talk openly in the forum..
When I see my PM count has gone up by one [occasionally, every few weeks..],
I automatically assume it's a mod and I'm in trouble...
Ok.. I'm not a good sympathetic person to talk to in private about emotions and mental health,
I don't want to be the person who says the wrong thing at the wrong time..
ie.. there are times I could so easily have got angry with my sister, and called her bluff..
Fortunately that never happened...
My sister had complex problems which manifested as egotistical self obsessed manipulative control freak behaviour.
She had my parents constantly at her mercy and bidding,
mum and dad living in fear of her next suicide attempt.
I seriously believe mental health professionals and therapists made her worse, not better...
She became increasingly involved in international 'self help' groups.
Some which appeared to me too close to being exploitive cults..
Her extended journey to America may have been centred on such groups.
My mum would never tell me anything about what my sister was doing,
as if she'd been sworn obediently into silence.
I only found out my sister had drained my mums life savings to fund her trip,
after her death..
My sister became an increasingly difficult person to like.
I lived too far away to be involved, so it was easier for me to put her out my mind.
I even ended up phoning my parent less regularly..
from once a week to at worst 2 or 3 times a year.
Because every call was dominated by what my sister had just done
to upset my parents.
I had enough of my own problems and depression,
and thinking about my sister could take me over the edge into bad dark despair sometimes..
This went on for about 30 years...
Her [suspicious ???] death abroad caused immense practical problems for me,
Some still tangled up and unresolved.
After nearly a decade, I still haven't faced up to opening the box of her personal effects,
which took bloody ages and a lot of expense to get released and delivered
back to us in England..
I've been too busy dealing with my mum's dementia, which has taken over my life.
I'm not a writer, I haven't got time or need to delve into her life looking for a story..
Though our house is now full of her filing cabinets and hard drives, gathering dust.
I can't dispose of them.
She was a copious self indulgent writer of self analyis,
tutored by therapists into blaming family and whoever else..
I can only imagine what she wrote about us on the internet..
Actually, I'd prefer not to..
Now she's gone,
I'm not one of those people who get's obsessed for years campaigning for the truth,
and seeking suspects to accuse and bring to justice..
Life's too short, and I'm to tired.
Most importantly, mum is much happier now she is over the grief...
Frankly, not having my sister around is a huge relief, because I couldn't cope
with the demands of having to look after her as well..
Like I said, I'm not the best bloke to talk to about problems..
I have my own views on suicide, best kept to myself.
Mostly I'd want to deter folks from such final 'solutions'..
HOWEVER this has been about my experience and perceptions of my sister,
YOU Mrrzy are an entirely different person, I don't know you..
But I join all others here in wishing you well managing your life,
but most importantly, keeping your life going for as long as possible...
You are obviously valued by mudcatters
[I don't think we are a dodgy internet cult...???]...