In reading this thread I could hardly wait to say: Somewhere I read that 'anger is grief turned inward.' For some reason that is a comforting, life-affirming thing to me.
Mrrzy, I wish you the best; I have every confidence you will come out on the other side. Who once said that the 'unexamined life isn't worth living'? Going through what you have has forced you, at the very least, to examine your inner workings as thoroughly as the outer. You are way ahead of a lot of us.