You can hear this recording at The Internet Archive:


SQUARE DANCE HULDA
(Harry Stewart)
As recorded by Yogi Yorgesson with Johnny Duffy's Scandihoovians, S&G (3010-S), 1949.

I love my Hulda; she's pretty and sweet,
But when we go dancing, she tromp on my feet.
When we do square dance, her shoes go flip-flop.
When dance is over, I'm all crippled up.

Hulda, she don't mean to hurt me, I know.
She just get rattled and stomps on my toe.
When she's excited, she gives me a squeeze,
Then she takes skin off clear up to my knees.

When we dance, she sings in all keys.
She's got a voice to make your blood freeze.
Like a trombone filled with cottage cheese,
That's how her voice sounds to me.

When square dance caller yells: "Now do-si-do!"
That's Hulda's signal to crush my big toe.
"Don't let her trip you," my friends have all said.
"If you fall down, you'll get kicked in the head."

Hulda, she's so big and so tall.
Her feet weren't made to dance in the hall.
They were designed to kick soccer ball,
But Hulda just loves to dance.

Outside of big feet, my Hulda looks fine.
She's got a shape just like Andy Devine.
I'm scared to ask her if she'll be my wife,
'Cause she'll keep me limping the rest of my life.