Watch for smarmy fake solicitous grooming. It can sound exactly like true concern..use the same words etc. Listen to your gut. Check with othets. "I am telling you this for your own good. I have your best interests at heart. Just not a good color on you. Yes it really does make your butt look fat. I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't love you.". Others who have been through this can add better. I am realizing more and more how lucky I have been.