Bit late, but here is my offering anyway......

THE PEACOCK'S LAMENT
(to the tune of "the Salt")

I am a lonely old peacock
Peahens are the bane of my life
I used to love seven fine beauties
But now, I can't find me a wife!

I mounted a mouldy old cabbage
As she sat so serene in her bed
But no eggs did she lay to succeed me...
She bolted and flowered instead!

Yes, I am a lonely onld peacock
I just cannot find me a mate!
I thought that I'd found me a partner
When I made love to a wrought Iron gate

But she slammed in me face and she spurned me!
The fruits of my loins! what a waste!
So I next tried it on with a gorse bush....
Well they say there's no 'counting for taste!

But still I'm a lonely old peacock
No peahens to fill my desire
Then I saw her there in the garden
The flame in my heart turned to FIRE!!

So I mounted the Red Mini Metro
Though she tried to escape, I held fast
And all of the people stood staring
As the two of us went flying past!

Still, a lonely old peacock, I'm wasted.
Shagged out, I've lost all of me drive...
Not so that Red Mini Metro...
I'm lucky to still be alive!

I've chased after children and women
I've chased after kittens and cats
Made a loving advance to a posh hat from France
And two scratchy coconut mats

Now a lonely old peacock, I'm done for!
No more will I wander and wait
I've decided to be ...a clean living bird
And be happy though I'm celibate!

(for those of you who don't know.... a Mini Metro is a car)

Lucy

line breaks edited by mudelf