Queen Victoria and Prince Albert are being shown around the Crimea War military hospital at Chatham and the Queen is stopping at each bed to talk to the soldiers
At the first asks, "What are you here for soldier?"
"Piles ma-am", he said
And what treatment will you get?" she asked
"Rub of the wire brush ma-am", came the reply.
"And what are your ambitions soldier?" she asked
"To get well, get back to the front and fight for Queen and country ma-am" he said proudly   
On to the next.
"And what are you being treated for soldier?"
"Syphilis, I'm ashamed to say ma-am" he replied
Unfazed, she asked, "And what's the treatment, soldier?"
"Rub of the wire brush ma-am", came the reply."
"And what are your ambitions when you are cured soldier?" she asked
"To get well, get back to the front and fight for Queen and country ma-am" he said proudly   
She nodded and moved on to the next man
"And why are you here, soldier?"
"Acute pyorrhea of the gums ma-am" he mumbled
"And what's the treatment for that soldier?"
"Rub of the wire brush ma-am", came the reply."
"And what are you hope for soldier?" she asked
"To get treated before those other two dirty bastards ma-am" he said
Jim Carroll