A doctor arrived at his surgery one morning to find a large bag on the doorstep. He looked inside and found a new born baby with a note saying "Please look after my child". As a medical professional, he knew that it was a responsibility he could not shirk but there would be so many forms to fill in and he had patients waiting. He took it inside and examined it. As the baby seemed in good health, he decided to deal with his morning patients before handing it over for further care.

The first patient was the local vicar, a hypochondriac whom the doctor knew well. He had suffered every disease known to man and, this morning, was complaining of acute stomach pains. The doctor suspected trapped wind but thought that if, this time, he could convince him that it really was something serious, it might shock him out of his hypochondria. The situation gave him the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.

He told the vicar to drop his trousers, lie on the examination table and open his legs. The doctor then pressed on the vicar's belly, causing him to let out a long fart. The doctor picked up the baby and said "Congratulations! You have given birth to a healthy boy".
"B..b..but I can't have done" stammered the vicar, "It's not possible!"
"God moves in mysterious ways" replied the doctor.

The vicar, being a good Christian, accepted his apparent responsibilities a brought the child up as his own. When the boy reached the age of 18, the vicar thought that it was time that he knew the truth. It was a difficult conversation but it had to be done. He said "You have always been my son and always will be. You have grown up calling me Dad but, in fact, I am not ACTUALLY you father.

Looking rather shocked at the news, the young man asked "Then who is my father?"

In an anguished tone, the vicar replied "The bishop!"


DC