The "other" Avon River runs through Stratford, Ontario, where it is dammed to form a bit of lake on the north edge of downtown. On its banks, the town fathers created a most delightful park, with paths and benches and lovely overhanging trees. The only creatures who like it more than the humans are the Canada geese and the mallard ducks, who nest in their thousands every year and raise their families on the lake.

The town also maintains a little flock of mute swans, about 20 at present, who spend the winter in a converted curling rink and march down to the river every spring. Their wings are clipped so they can't fly, so they hold up traffic when they leave the river to graze on the municipal golf course and on the soccer pitch behind the Festival Theatre. I have seen literally dozens of vehicles steaming in the summer heat while their drivers sit out the unhurried journey of a family of swans from one patch of grass to another.

Here's the thing. The people of Stratford love the swans and like the ducks, but they hate the Canada geese. All three types of waterfowl crap all over the grass and the swans leave droppings nearly the size of meadow muffins, so goose poop can't be the issue. The ducks make plenty of noise, so disturbing the peace isn't it either.

I have decided it's facial expression. The swans look like supermodels and the ducks have a kind of Gidget thing going on, but the goose demeanour looks like disdain verging on dislike. The geese also stand their ground, hissing and flapping their wings at encroaching dogs and humans, and march their large families back and forth across Lakeshore Drive, like teaching nuns escorting their pupils to the art gallery, heedless of the traffic. I once saw a gander (I assume it was a gander, it's hard to tell) with his wings outspread and his neck thrust out, hissing fiercely at a red Mazda Miata. I think the driver had honked his horn -- bad form.

Anyway, so while our property taxes pay for swan maintenance and preservation of duck habitat, the town of Stratford employs a guy who roams around the lake with two border collies to hassle the geese. Also, when he finds a nest, he breaks the eggs or pours oil over them so they won't hatch. That's just cruel.

It also doesn't do any good. After three years of "goose abatement operations", the goose population of Stratford is unaffected.

Except now their disdain and dislike are fully justified.