“A Higgs boson goes into a church and the priest says, ‘We don’t allow Higgs bosons here.’ And the Higgs boson says, ‘But without me there is no mass.'”

“A photon walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, ‘Do you want a double?’ And the photon says, ‘No I’m traveling light.'”

Two atoms bump into each other. One says “I’ve lost an electron.” “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive.”