Here's a tour around NZ. R-J, I think you sent me a copy of the album by 'When the cat's been spayed".

TEA AT TE KUITI
(Ken Avery)

I'm havin' tea at Te Kuiti with my sweetie
Then a row at Rotorua on the waves
Do a tour of Turangi
When the Maoris have a hangi
Then I'll wind up in the old Waitomo caves

I'm gonna tread the narrow path at Ngar'awahia
And dash to Dannevirke before the beer is cut
I'm going to town at Taum'runui
Wander down the Wangernewy
Then I'm go'ng'ta live it up at Upper Hutt

I'm gonna chat about the Chateau Tongariro
I'm gonna talk about the Tokomaru Bay
And when I tell a man or two
About the Manawatu
They'll wonder why I ever went away

I'm gonna crow about the good old Coromandel
And tell them where I'd like to see Waiwera shore
Although it sounds like Taranaki
When I'm shooting at Wairakei
I can always hit a geothermal bore

I'm gonna have a cuppa tea on Kapati Island
And a cup of coffee in Kawhia town
Drink a handle or a schooner
When I tack at Takapuna
Where the Waitamata never lets me down

I want to eat a pie at old Paekakariki
See the wishing well in Wellington and then
When we pull in to Kaiwhara
There's a fiver I can borrow
So I'll turn around and do it all again

Interlude   Been there … etc

I'm gonna travel in by car to Invercargill
Then I’ll meet a man at Manapouri Lake
Though I'm not the one to boast
I've been toasted on the coast
And washed ashore at Taylor's Big Mistake

I've eaten oysters in the stew at Stewart Island
And met a mutton-birder down at Foveaux Strait
I've tried to bluff them at the Bluff
Each time I said I'd had enough
They put another dozen osters on my plate.

I'm gonna canter on the plains at Canterbury
I'm gonna rue the day I leave ol' Oamaru
I'll spend the winter on the inter -
Island ferry, makin' merry
An' wait for North and South to come in view

Now you can see a lot that's new in ol' New Zealand
You c'n keep your Port of Spain an' Mexico
But if if you plan to go away
Down A-o-tee-a-ro-a way
A Kiwi always tells you where to go
- "Look out for Trentham" -
A Kiwi always tells you where to go

My source for this little ditty is an all-female Kiwi group entitled ‘When the cat’s been spayed’. It is from the pen of Ken Avery from Dunedin who was known for his novelty songs featuring wordplay and exotic names – classics such as 'The dog dosing strip', 'When the scrum is on the ball' and 'The way she handled the clutch'.

NZ Sheilas

--Stewie.