OK - below is a transcription of Robin Dransfield’s lyrics from his “Tidewave” LP which I digitised some time ago. It was was recorded in 1979/80 and I’m pretty sure they’e spot on.

I’ve also dug out the original vinyl and, in the sleeve notes, Robin claims to have re-written the lyrics “with the help of extra lyrics turned up by” John “Broadsheet King” Foreman; although, on the disk itself, it’s attributed to “J Kendis/L Brown - L Wright”.

The words “turned up by” suggest to me that there might be another version(s) out there somewhere.

A naughty haughty college boy threw all his books away
Says he I've lost my appetite my hair is turning grey
I know my Greek and history and Latin is a bind
And If east is east and west is west then can't you tell me, why oh why?

When it's nightime in Italy Its Wednesday over here
Oh the onions in Sicily make people cry in California
How does a fly? When does a bee?
And how does a wasp sit down to have its tea?
And if you talk to an Eskimo his breath will freeze your ear
When it's nightime in Italy and Wednesday over here

When it's nightime in Italy And Wednesday over here
and when its fish day in Birmingham don't ever try to milk a kipper
Dogs have their barks so do the trees
And pork pies are beef and some are mysteries
And we all pay our income tax and never shed a tear
When it's nightime in Italy and Wednesday over here

This learned derned college boy stood up in class and said
Well I've learned at my geography and found out Ceasar’s dead
But the reason I speak Portuguese is I'm some clever guy
And if “parley voo” means how are you then cant you tell me why oh why

When it's nightime in Italy Its Wednesday over here
And when its high tide at Waterloo you can mock soup but you can't mock turtle
How high is up I'd like to know
and how low is down and when shall we have snow
And if there’s houses for everyone and real hops in our beer
Then it's nightime in Italy and Wednesday over here

When it's nightime in Italy and Wednesday over here
And when we’re all multimillionaires we’ll have a land that’s fit for heros
there’ll be no storms, there’ll be no gales
and we’ll wear a smile just like the Prince of Wales
And we’ll all go on our holidays and dive off Wigan pier
When it's nightime in Italy and Wednesday over here