Oh those 'excuses' Steve! Hee hee.
I often had a note handed to me saying "She can't come to school today because she's under the doctor"
The worst one was when I'd just arrived to teach in a rather poor district of Glasgow from 'posh' Edinburgh. A rather dishevelled lady came to my door and said,"Miss (pronounced 'muss') see ma sunn, he's no coming tae skewl the day, he's peely-wally and aye lyin'on the flair greetin'"
I blinked and smiled weakly. Not the least idea what she meant!