I’m amazed that there haven’t been more parodies of the prospects for Christmas 2020, so I wrote my own:

I’ve often thought that each Christmas,
Should come every other year;
It’s all such rush, with so much fuss,
And prone to fake good cheer.
We feared a Yuletide Lockdown though,
As big bad tidings tell;
If that persists, I’d get my wish,
This year a No-No Noel.

Then old Santa Claus would stay indoors,
No wondrous gifts be given;
To mix households is bad we’re told,
Especially when two billion.
Besides I’m sure he should be shielding,
He’s well passed seventy five;
Seen Spanish Flu, and Black Death too,
I’m surprised he’s still survived.

Even Snow White has been in trouble,
Complying with Lockdown Law;
Her support bubble’s been more than double,
What Ministers foresaw.
Her boyfriends failed at working from home,
Ignoring social mix;
With Lockdown through, they’ll struggle too,
To meet the Rule of Six.

Then pity poor young Cinderella,
Still waiting for her Prince;
Though just some fella, and travelling seller
Of shoes he has ‘half-inched’.
He’s been restricted from travelling,
With non-essential shoes;
Not had the balls, they closed the halls,
They’re non-essential too.

No treasure Ali Baba’s been grabbing,
Since booked by Baghdad Police;
They’ve only nabbed him for social gathering,
With more like some forty thieves.
For Jack it’s jail or giant killer fines,
Much as Ma-Ma had feared;
Cos he’d been caught up some beanstalk
And travelling between the Tiers.

Oh little clowns of Website land,
How still we see thee lie;
Above thy cheap deceitful tweets,
The microbes multiply.
Yet in our high streets festering,
The everlasting blight;
The hope for beers, come this New Year’s
In jeopardy tonight.