From Gayle Wade:
Tesco Shanty (aka The Housewife’s Shanty)
by Pat Wilson of The Ranting Sleazos (amended by Gayle Wade)
It’s forty years I've been like this;
Cleaning, Sweeping!
It’s forty years I've been like this;
Dust, dust away!
It’s forty years I've been like this;
I've been a Mrs. longer than a Miss;
And we're all bound for Tesco in the morning.
I met a lad from Ipswich town
Winking, drinking!
I met a lad from Ipswich town
Dance, dance away!
I met a lad from Ipswich town
He gave me a kiss and he laid me down.
And we're all bound for Tesco in the morning.
We worked two jobs and saved our pay
Scrimping, saving!
We worked two jobs and saved our pay
Put cash away!
We worked two jobs and saved our pay
Now we’ve gotta pay a mortgage till our dying day
And we're all bound for Tesco in the morning.
Well, much too soon I had children too
Puking, screaming!
Well, much too soon I had children too
Wipe, wipe away!
Well, much too soon I had children too
And a million other things to do
And we're all bound for Tesco in the morning
The kids are now at school you see
Writing, reading!
The kids are now at school you see
Add, take away!
The kids are now at school you see
And I always do the school run in my SUV
And we're all bound for Tesco in the morning.
So one fine day I got a part-time job
Cleaning, Sweeping!
So one fine day I got a part-time job
Dust, dust away!
So one fine day I got a part-time job
For a new fitted kitchen with ceramic hob
And we're all bound for Tesco in the morning.
I meet the girls for lunch in town
Laughing, reeling!
I meet the girls for lunch in town
Corks, corks away!
I meet the girls for lunch in town
We neck prosecco till the sun goes down
And we're all bound for Tesco in the morning.
Well when I die don’t bury my bones
Cleaning, Sweeping!
Well when I die don’t bury my bones
Dust, dust away!
Well when I die don’t bury my bones
Just scatter my ashes at Wetherspoons
And we're all bound for Tesco in the morning.
Oh the work is hard and the hours are long
Cleaning, Sweeping!
And I haven’t had time to finish this song …
https://soundcloud.com/user-911824558/tesco-shanty
Alternatives:
I met a lad from Liverpool** way
He gave me a kiss and he made me pay.
I worked and saved till we got the cash
And bought a house in Knotty Ash**
We got a mortgage on our nest
He did his bit, I did the rest
Well, much too soon I had children too
A scurvy, spotty, idle crew.
But one fine day I got a part time job
Bought a Hoover and a cooker with ceramic hob
Before I die one thing I crave
To round the Horn on me microwave!