Elsewhere in a thread in Mudcat ( "Give us your bad poems" https://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=160974#3821539) there's a reference to a poem "the Death of Romeo and Juliet" and there are four verses quoted.

Romeo rode to the sepulchre, 'mong dead folks, bats, and creepers;
And swallowed down the burning dose - when Juliet oped her peepers.
"Are you alive? Or is't your ghost? Speak quick, before I go."
"Alive!" she cried, "and kicking too; art thou my Romeo?"

"It is your Romeo, my faded little blossum;
O Juliet! is it possible that you were acting possum?"
"I was indeed; now let's go home; pa's spite will have abated;
What ails you, love, you stagger so; are you intoxicated?"

"No, no, my duck; I took some stuff that caused a little fit;"
He struggled hard to tell her all, but couldn't, so he quit.
In shorter time than't takes a lamb to wag his tail, or jump,
Poor Romeo was stiff and pale as any whitewashed pump.

Then Juliet seized that awful knife, and in her bosom stuck it,
Let out a most terrific yell, fell down, and kicked the bucket.
And that’s as far as Shakespeare got, there wasn’t much more to it,
when Capulets and Monty’s fight – some day they’re going to rue it!


No tune was mentioned and I couldn't find the source or additional verses.... so I added my own:


My additional verses:

Well I’ll tell you all a little tale that took place long ago
It happened in Verona – or at least they tell us so
Two families were at daggers drawn – in a very literal sense
Betwixt the Monty’s and Capulets things were rather tense

Now on the stage comes Romeo, a Montague to be sure
Unfortu-nately not the sharpest knife inside the drawer
No Romeo weren’t the fastest little pony in the race
And he had a mate, Mercutio, a total waste of space!

Mercutio liked to party and dragged Romeo along
Saying “let’s toddle down to the Capulet’s for a little wine and song”
Romeo wasn’t all that keen, but refusing wouldn’t be gallant
So he went along, just as it were to “eye the local talent”

Well at the rave he fell in love with gorgeous Juliet
and wouldn’t you just know it - she was a Capulet
In fact she was the apple of pa Capulet’s beady eye
A knotty situation – which nobody can deny!

Meanwhile…… back in the piazza…

Mercutio, was known round town, for showing off his stuff
They said “no good’ll come of this”, and one day sure enough
He challenged Tybalt to a duel, for calling Romeo names
and paid a rather heavy price – for playing silly games!

Now Romeo, as you’ll remember, wasn’t all that bright
And there and then he went and killed poor Tybalt in a fight!
Exile was the only thing would save him from the tomb
his love affair with Juliet - to carry on, on Zoom.

Now at this point the story line just goes from bad to worse,
There’s Nightingales and Larks and Friars, Night’s candles and a Nurse
Then Pa decides what Julie needs, is a bloke who won’t embarrass
So off he goes and comes back with a chap who’s name was Paris

When Juliet caught wind of this, she wasn’t much impressed
The thought of getting hitched to Paris left her most distressed
She hatched a cunning scheme designed to stop her getting wed
But the program called for our heroine to act like she was dead!

Well she wrote a note to Romeo and sent it with Friar John,
Another dimwit who got lost… and never passed it on,
So Romeo heads straight for home, where Julie does await him
And here it gets confusing so I’ll pass it on verbatim

.... at this point you add on the original verses posted above.

The tune I chose for this was "the Chandler's shop" (aka "The Chandlers's wife")... it seems to fit just fine.

Subsequently I learned that the original poem was published in the Sacramento Daily Union, Volume 19, Number 2929, 16 August 1860