I've been taking your advice before you even dished it out, Jack. Dabs, chips and mushy peas tonight. Pasta (spirali bucati) with albacore tuna, nonpareil capers, garlic (sliced, never crushed), parsley and creme fraiche tomorrow. That epic pasta bake that all Italians love (home-made tomato sauce, short pasta, lashings of Parmesan and mozzarella) on Saturday. Pork chop baked with mushrooms, cream and lemon with jacket spuds and green beans on Sunday. Huge wodge of chicken and leek pie with mash and cauliflower on Monday. All interspersed with lots of toast and butties. That should fix it.

I always bear my crosses lightly, Dave. When all around you lose their heads... Did I mention the red wine?   Beautiful Negroamaro down to £6.50 at Mozzers? And if you like white, the Soave Classico down to £5.50 is a thing of great beauty...