Everest? As in Mount...? As in actually climbing up..? Which of course means a LOT of walking, not to mention all those hip winter clothes...finally learning what the differences between "crampons" and "tampons" are...

Hey, no way Jose,(no racist slight to those of Spanish persuasion implied) I've seen what happens on Mt. Everest...Every guy gets icicles hanging off his beard, and they all lose their toes....and the Sherpas want to share in the book royalties....and you have to sit in a tent with a storm blowing outside and then someone's expected to get up and say "I'm just going for a walk", and they never come back, and then you have to start eating each other, and then you're expected to write some fukking noble words in your journal, like..."when you read this I'll be frozen stiffer than a box of Captain Highliner Crab cakes, but it doesn't matter, 'cause I did it all for Queen and Country...."

Not to mention the chances that some Yeti is gonna break into the tent and find you attractive...and even if you DO survive, you'll have to be on the cover of TIME magazine, and then they'll be asking your former teachers and school mates "what you're REALLY like", and they'll all say..."he was a real dork, and he was always annoying people with that dunb banjo, and then the National Enquirer will start following you around, lookin' to see if you've got a connection to Hugh Rodham,..and...and....ahh to hell with it!

Rock Feldman