The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #31500   Message #410537
Posted By: Little Hawk
03-Mar-01 - 09:52 PM
Thread Name: BS: CarolC's Canadian Adventure 3
Subject: RE: BS: CarolC's Canadian Adventure 3
Attention, Mudcat Cafe:

This is a communique from planet Orillia. Mudcatters flattop, hesperis, Little Hawk and CarolC met tonight at a local eatery called Brewery Bay Food Company, for a farewell meal....as CarolC is about to return to Bushville, USA. Downtown Orillia was as urbane, cosmopolitan, and sophisticated as it usually is. 'Nuff said about that.

We pause for a brief comment from our sponsor...

HEY THERE!!! HAVE YOU CONSIDERED NOSE IMPLANTS? IF YOU HAVEN'T, YOU SHOULD, BECAUSE ALL THE POPULAR PEOPLE IN MY TOWN HAVE NOSE IMPLANTS! EVEN MY DAD HAS THEM! TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR NOSE IMPLANTS, DAD! YES, FOLKS, THEY TOLD ME I WAS TOO OLD FOR NOSE IMPLANTS, BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP ME! I FEEL AS YOUNG AS MY SON NOW, AND I OWE IT ALL TO NOSE IMPLANTS. THAT'S RIGHT, DAD! NOW DON'T WASTE TIME, GET OUT THERE AND GET YOUR NOSE IMPLANTS NOW!!!!

Okay, we're back. The food was good, the talk was also. We Orillians will certainly regret Carol's departure. She has been a valuable addition to the Orillia scene, in fact...

AND NOW ANOTHER WORD FROM...ZIPPY BURGERS!!! YES, THE ONLY BURGER THAT HAS 15% LESS ANIMAL FAT AND WON'T CAUSE YOUR GUINEA PIG TO "HALVE A COW"...BLAH, BLAH, BLAH....

Shit. We're back. I think. I advise all you people out there in yahoo-land to NEVER eat a f**king zippy burger, because they-

AND NOW, A WORD FROM YOUR FRENDLY CHEMICAL COMPANY! YES, "FRENDLY", THE NAME THAT STANDS FOR GOOD TOXINS IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD! FRENDLY, THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU LUST CANAL, AND SMILED WHILE THEY WERE DOING IT!!! KEEP AMERICA STRONG! BUY FRENDLY TOXINS!!! WE HAVE BEEN...

BANG! POW! BLAM! Aaaaaargggggh!

Okay, we just shot the corporate sponsors. All of them. This is Canada, eh? And we've had enough of your capitalist bullshit. This is now a government-funded radio station. Got that, MAV? Socialism, pal. Don't knock it till you've tried it.

Since CarolC is about to leave beautiful downtown Orillia, "the town that never wakes", we felt that we should all post a brief farewell remark or two, starting with me...

LH - Carol, it has been great meeting you, and I can hardly wait to see Shepherdstown. Bon voyage!

Okay, farttop, it's your turn...

Why do I always feel like the butt of the jokes?

- flattop

Possibly because you are a joke, flattop. Or at least a butt. Especially after dinner today.
Well, this trip of Carol's has certainly been an edifying one for me, too. I never knew males could be lesbians until flattop admitted to being a lesbian. Puzzling. I also never knew just how many McGill porta potties there are in Orillia. Wow! What a stink there's going to be about that!
My hamsters were very pleased to meet you Carol, and so was I. We'll have to come visit you now, eh?

~ hesperis

Thanks, comrades! Already got the nose implants... (ahem)

**Sob** (I don't wanna go... !!!!!!!!) I'm going to have to request political asylum so they'll let me stay in Canada.

Thanks for showing me such a great time everybody!

(If I kidnap hesperis' hamsters, I wonder if they'll stop me at the border?) Just kidding, hesperis. They're the nicest, most beautiful hamsters I've ever seen. And they have amazingly soft and silky fur, too. flattop's not a butt, either. I haven't quite figured out what he is yet, though.

Carol

He's not a lesbian either. Gahhhh...I feel ill just thinking about it!

This is LH signing off.

- LH