Because the toad to recovery is strewn with slippery slopes of side effects.

Rick Pollay (2018 tweaked in 2019)

I was losing vim and vigor, my belly growing bigger.
        I blamed my metabolism.
And just before a rain, a little twinge of pain
        reminded me of grandpa’s rheumatism.
Sometimes I stumbled when I walked or grumbled when I talked
        in a mood dark with pessimism.
I went looking for a cure and one thing is for sure
        They were selling brand new pills for that!

CHORUS (1, 2, 3, then 4):
        (I took) 1 in the morning, 2 at lunch,
3 with a little wine
        Then 4 at night to sleep real tight
in hopes I’d soon feel fine
        I took all these pills for my many ills
My health’s got a bit real complex.
        I kept belief that I’d get relief …
                BUT OH THOSE SIDE EFFECTS!

First my bladder sprung a leak no matter my technique
         or the size of my old prostate.
I was not a happy camper. I’d soon be wearing Pampers
        unless I could medicate.
I still dreamt of grand seduction but my tool of reproduction,
it would not cooperate!
I went looking for a cure and one thing is for sure …
        They were selling brand new pills for that! (RESPONSE)
CHORUS 2, 4, 6, and 8

Soon any pain in my back or my sacroiliac
         went down along the nerve sciatic.
My hearing was a curse. My vision getting worse.
         TV became problematic.
Then a new complication - chronic constipation.
        The gas I passed was highly aromatic.
I went looking for a cure and one thing is for sure …
        They were selling brand new pills for that!
        CHORUS 3, 6, 9 and 12

Then my hair was falling out. I thought I had the gout.
        My breath reeked of halitosis.
Lost my taste for food. I was in a rotten mood.
        (So I) asked my DOC for her diagnosis.
When the lab tests she read, she sadly shook her head (pause)
SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS!        and there’s no bloody cure, but one thing is for sure …
        They were selling brand new pills for that!

(TAG) I hope they do the trick, so I stop feeling sick
        from all these SIDE EFFECTS!

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