The song is called "If I were not a Camp Counselor"

Lyrics


you can substitute "scout leader" or whatever you want for camp counselor.

I remember several Jamborees where this was done as a skit.

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If I were not a camp counselor I will tell you what I would be. If I were not a camp counselor _____________ I would be… _________, __________, _______

(Keep repeating during the round)

Each Counselor will say it three times a round

EX:

If I were not a camp counselor I will tell you what I would be. If I were not a camp counselor a bus driver I would be, swerve, swerve, skid I think I hit a kid. Swerve, swerve skid I think I hit a kid

(Next counselor)

If I were not a camp counselor I will tell you what I would be If I were not a camp counselor a Farmer I would be, give Bessie give the babies gotta to live, give Bessie give the babies got to live!

(Next counselor)

If I were not a camp counselor I will tell you what I would be. If I were not a camp counselor a lifeguard I would be mouth to mouth resuscitate the only way to get a date, mouth to mouth resuscitate the only way to get a date

(Next counselor)

If I were not a camp counselor I will tell you what I would be. If I were not a camp counselor a lumberjack I would be, chop the tree chop the tree I hate ecology, chop the tree chop the tree I hate ecology

(Next counselor)

If I were not a camp counselor I will tell you what I would be. If I were not a camp counselor a quarterback I would be we’re good we’re great 2+2 is 8 we’re good we’re great 2+2 is 8

If I were not a camp counselor there’s something I would be if I were not a camp counselor a post I would be post…post… post

Other Ideas:

A bird watcher I would be

Hark a lark, flying through the park, SPLAT!

A plumber I would be

Plunge it, flush it, look out below!

A mermaid I would be

Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop!

A carpenter I would be

Two by four, nail it to the floor!

A secretary I would be

z-z-z-z get the point, z-z-z-z get the point?

A teacher I would be

Sit down, shut up, throw away your gum!

An airline attendant I would be

Coffee, tea, or me, sir; here’s your little bag, BLEH!

A typist I would be

Ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ZING!

A hippie I would be

Love and peace, my hair is full of grease!

[or]
Hey Man! Cool Man! Far out! Wow!

A farmer I would be

Here’s a cow, there’s a cow, and here’s another yuck!

[or]
Come on Betsy give… the baby’s gotta live

A laundry worker I would be

Starchy here, starchy there, starchy in your underwear!

A cashier I would be

Twenty nine, forty nine, here is your change, sir!

A gym teacher I would be

We must, we must, improve the bust!

A medic I would be

Turn around, drop your pants, jab, jab, jab!

A doctor I would be

Take a pill; pay my bill! I’m going golfing!

[or]
Bend Over, Drop Your Pants, This won’t hurt a bit.

[or]
Needle! Thread! Stick ’em in the head!

An electrician I would be

Positive, negative bbzzzzt zap

[or]
Check the bulb, flip the switch. z-z-z-z-z-z-z-zt

A fireman I would be

Jump lady, jump… whoaa splat!

A cook I would be

Mix it, bake it; heartburn-BURP!

A ice cream maker I would be

Tutti-frutti, tutti-fruitti, nice ice cream!

A politician I would be

Raise the taxes, lower the pay, vote for me on election day!

A butcher I would be

Chop it up, grind it up, make a little patty!

A garbage collector I would be

Lift it, dump it, pick out the good stuff

[or]
Pile that garbage. Pile that garbage. Pile it to the sky.

A [Domino’s] pizza maker I would be

30 minute, fast delivery!

A clam digger I would be

Dig one here, dig one there-Oh my frozen derriere!

Superman I would be

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, where is Lois Lane?

Lois Lane I would be

Get away, get away, get away, Clark Kent!

A cyclist I would be

peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle; ring, ring, ring!

A truck driver I would be

Here’s a curve, there’s a curve. HERE’S A BETTER CURVE!

[Makes outline of shapely woman.]
A house cleaner I would be

Ooh, a bug; squish it in the rug!

A baby I would be

Mama, Dada, I wuv you!

A Preacher I would be

Well, well, you never can tell; you might go to heaven, or you might go to …

.A DJ I would Be,

Miles of smiles on the radio dial.

A Stewardess I would be,

Here’s your coffee, here’s your tea. hear’s your paper bag, urrrp

A Baker I would be,

Donuts! Eclairs! Buy My Buns!

A Lifeguard I would be,

Save yourself, Man. I’m working on my tan!

[or]
Mouth to Mouth Resuscitate, What a way to get a date.

[or]
Here’s my oil! Here’s my can! Watch out ladies, I’m your man!

A Lawer I would be,

Honest. I swear, My client wasn’t there

An Undertaker I would be,

6 x 4, nail them to the floor.

An Engineer, I would be,

Push the button, push the button, kick the darn machine.

A Ranger I would be,

Get eaten by a bear, see if I care.

A Jockey I would be,

Grab the bridle, grab the bit, watch out for that pile of…

A Dog I would be,

Oh golly, oh gee, I gotta find a tree.

A Boxer I would be,

Hit him with a left, hit him with a right, knock out his jaw.

A Nosepicker I would be,

stick it, pick it, wipe it on the wall

A Jester I would be,

Please laugh, don’t cry, I don’t wanta die.

A Knight I would be,

bang, clink, clang, how am I supposed to fight in this thang

A Dolly I would be,

Mommy, Daddy, I love you. (blows a kiss)

A Policeman I would Be,

Here’s a Crime…There’s a Crime…Here’s a dounut shop.

A Cereal Killer I would Be,

Cheerios, Lucky Charms, Wheaties your Next.

A Girl Scout I would be,

Hey mister, wanna buy a cookie?

A Camper I would be,

I’m tired, I’m hungry, when’s it time to eat?

A Lawyer I would be,

Honest, I swear, he wasn’t even there.

A pyro, I would be,

Strike the match, light the fire. Burn! baby, Burn!

A Camp Director would be,

Do this, do that, I’m gonna take a nap.

[or]
Big belly, no hair, my campers are everywhere!

****great for first day of camp fun,

But you can also do it at as a camp

If i were not a camper, i will tell you want i would be if i wre not a camp: a______________