The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #169078   Message #4118853
Posted By: Dorothy Parshall
04-Sep-21 - 07:29 PM
Thread Name: De-clutter & Fitness in a Pandemic: 2021
Subject: RE: De-clutter & Fitness in a Pandemic: 2021

Three loads of laundry later! I am gratified by the indication that R did change clothes regularly - at least the socks and underwear! apparently I had stayed away the longest possible time! Two more to go! But his drawers are re-filled and the sheets are clean!

The visit with my friend turned into an emotional upheaval. I realized she had reached out to me in hopes I could speak for her. She told me clearly what she wants for the remainder of her life and what she does not want.

I visited with her nephew on my way back to QC, serendipitously en route! His wife has been handling the finances. Doris had no idea what her financial state is and was distraught at having to stay with her granddaughter again this winter. She is in terrible health as well as depressed from death of husband and the living situation during the winter, down to 110 pounds - after spending the winter in the home of a nurse.

Bill assured that she could afford a good quality seniors residence for ten years and have money left over. I visited with Bill for 3 hours - talking must be a family trait! Arrived at Dupont about 6 pm exhausted. Went for take out to feed both of us - and a lunch for me.

Thurs, I phoned the son (60), whom I have known for 36 years, and tried to tell him what his mom wants. The family had already made up their mind - a granny flat in the basement. How awful for her! He asserted that she cannot afford a residence and I told him what Bill said; he made no response at all. I fear the family is protecting their inheritance instead of Doris.

Sent him an email this am, reiterating my feelings and referring to the disregard of his mother's wishes - "considered elder abuse". ... He is adamant and Bill, his wife and I have given up - a sad de-clutter - "know when to walk away". But I have two new friends: as soon as I heard a dozen words from Bill, I knew; and his wife, as she drove home - before she even was out of the car! Hey, a retired librarian! We will grieve together. We did our best. The more I think about it... definitely abuse but they do not see it that way. "She agreed" - just as she has felt constrained to agree to whatever for 90 years! I have failed her.

I managed to care for plants while waiting for firewood - all afternoon - and it is dumped in a difficult place. I really need to find a helper to move it. And a helper to fix up the garage so I can use it for a studio. Looking at sheds again yesterday: the cost of a shed would repair the garage and that seems a better deal! But I need to find help. If I wait for R, I could die waiting. 6 months and he has not finished the bathroom sink. I desperately need a Dan here.

Well, I had better pull myself together and get a good supper.