Well I've just heard Prince Hypocrite rattling on about environmental issues. He runs his 51-year-old Aston Martin on surplus English wine and cheese whey (sure he does...). He avoids meat and fish two days a week and dairy one day a week. Cor, that's hard! He wriggled when he was challenged about the cost of heating all those palaces. What didn't come up in the chat was the fact that the royals own thousands of acres of grouse moor, which are a disaster for biodiversity and which have a huge carbon footprint. Gamekeepers are famous for illegally driving some raptors almost to extinction and for slaughtering smaller mammals that compete with or predate the grouse. All that burning doesn't just pollute the air, it also damages the peat underneath, one of the most important carbon sinks in the country. Kate, William and Harry are all keen shooters. Why, last summer they even took little Prince George, aged seven, on his first shoot!

Pass the vomit bucket...