From Elizabeth Block of Toronto:

THE LINCOLNSHIRE VAMPIRE

When I was just a farmer’s boy of twelve or thirteen years
A film about Count Dracula it gave me weird ideas
Me dad drank beer, the cat drank milk, the cows just chewed the cud
But ‘twas my delight in the dead of night to suck a maiden’s blood
Yes, ‘twas my delight in the dead of night to suck a maiden’s blood’

I met a real beauty at the local discotheque
While dancing cheek to cheek I thought I’d bite her in the neck
I loosed the collar of her dress, and brushed aside her curls
Ah ‘twas my delight but I burped all night ‘cos I swallowed half her pearls
Yes ‘twas my delight but I burped all night ‘cos I swallowed half her pearls

I went to the blood doning place to give a pint or three
The doctor said we must find out if you’re group A or B
I said that might be difficult but I want to be a donor
For ‘twas my delight again last night – you must ask the previous owner
Yes ‘twas my delight again last night – you must ask the previous owner

For nearly sixty years I’ve eaten sweeties and meringues
And tooth decay’s affected me and I’m loosing all me fang(ues)
Though I can’t bite at all these days I still likes me gore
Ah ‘tis my delight on a Friday night but I sucks it through a straw
Yes ‘tis my delight on a Friday night but I sucks it through a straw


Elizabeth got this song from Peter Hawkins, who attached this note:

I learned it from a friend, who said it was a Rambling Sid Rumpo song. I believe that Rambling Sid was a character on a British radio show many years ago, possibly more than 60 years ago. He sang really strange 'folk' songs, and was played by Kenneth Williams.