Although I try to be polite, I can't help it when telemarketers ask me, the man of the household, for the lady of the household. I sometimes say, "You're talkin' to 'er" in a gruffer than normal voice. This is usually greeted with either an awkward moment of silence or a click. Sometimes I say, "Just a sec", clear my throat, and then immediately say, in a high pitched voice, "Helloooooo". Same responses.

A sign "NO SOLICITORS" does not work around here. I tell charity workers the truth - I have only one charity, the regional childrens' hospital and tell them I can take their donation for the hospital if it would be convenient for them. As for the religion pushers, I just say, "Black Irish Catholic, so you've no hope here." Even the ignorant ones retreat without a fuss. As for the younger visitors, I try to treat them with respect, but only "give" when they offer something of value in which they have had input, like crafts - chocolate bars don't cut it, unless the wrapper has a pizza coupon.

The worst ones are co-workers. When I was gainfully employed, years ago, I was incensed at this practise. Everyone in the office wanted me to sponser their kid's frisbee team for a trip to China, or some similar nonsense. So, I put a tin can on my filing cabinet with a sign that read, "The Hernia Foundation Needs Your Support" and pointed to it every time I was asked to give. Some of them put a quarter in the can for spite, at which point I would pocket it and pretend I was writing to a log and say. "Your receipt for tax purposes will be in the mail shortly. I just decided to go for an ice cream cone at breaktime, you coming ?" Similar responses.

g