A keen gardener had, over the years, built up his hobby into a successful business and was now doing very well for himself; enough, in fact, to provide his daughter with a private education at one of the country’s leading public schools. In spite of this, he had never lost his country ways. When asked for the secret of his success, he would reply loudly “Manure, manure and more manure!”. This caused his prim and proper daughter acute embarrassment.

Knowing that he was likely to be interviewed on television at the upcoming RHS Chelsea Flower Show, she said to her mother, “Oh Mummy, can’t you get him to call it fertilizer?”

“You leave him be, my dear” replied her mother. “It took me nigh on 15 years to get him to call it manure!”

DC