I've been looking for years for a version of this song. I've finally found it. This is "NOBODY KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED TO McCARTHY"

I found a version performed by FREDDIE HALL; Dave Dreyer; Herman Ruby. The other side of the record is "Devil in his own home town." The record was published in 1950. The lyrics aren't quite how I remember them (they never are) but this is definitely the song I've been looking for!

The recording is here:
https://archive.org/details/78_nobody-knows-what-happened-to-mccarthy_freddie-hall-dave-dreyer-herman-ruby_gbia0399210b/NOBODY+KNOWS+WHAT+HAPPENED+TO+McCARTHY+-+FREDDIE+HALL.flac

Here's an attempt at transcribing the lyrics:

McCarthy gave a party at his house the other night
And everybody came and brought along their appetite
A swell of folks came down from town, it was a swell affair
They didn't invite the police force but later they were there

All of a sudden McCarthy disappears just like a ghost
Imagine him doing a thing like that, sure he was a dip of a host

Nobody knows what happened to McCarthy,
A devil a soul could tell just where he went
But a brick flew through the air, and it landed on O'Hare
And everyone at the party knew McCarthy he was there

Nobody knows just where McCarthy went to
'Cause he kept disappearing now and then

McCarthy shoved O'Brien's noodle through a two-inch wall
Everybody started fighting out there in the hall
Next day the papers printed 'A Good Time Was Had By All'
But nobody knows what happened to McCarthy

Was awful the way the guests rushed in when somebody said 'Let's eat'
And if I wasn't good and strong myself, I wouldn't have gotten a seat
Such table manners that I saw there I never could understand
When I reached to get some meat a dozen forks stuck in me hand

O'Brien spilled some gravy and it got the missus' goat
She said 'That's what you get for eating dinner in your coat'
Lanigan yelled to Branigan 'Why you're nothing but a hick!'
He yelled 'G'way you great big jay' and then produced a brick


Well it started a fight that lasted all night, 'cause nobody wanted to stop
Monaghan fell on the dining room floor and this is who fell right on top:
There was Branigan Shanigan, Flanigan, Manigan, Hanigan too, and O'Hare
We thought that McCarthy was killed in the rush, but devil I bet he was there

Nobody knows just where McCarthy went to
'Cause he kept disappearing now and then

O'Brien brought a singer with a very peculiar air
He sang 'Ireland must be heaven cause my mother came from there'
He couldn't take an encore, 'cause they crowned him with a chair
But nobody knows what happened to McCarthy