HOLIO (than Thou)
Words: F
Tune: Sweet Betsy from Pike, or any other good tune

I am so holy and kindly and wise
Folks come from miles to gaze in my eyes
Sit at my feet and you quickly will see
No one is half as enlightened as me.
        Singin’                Holio, holio holio ho
                        Everyone loves me wherever I go

When my friends need me I always am there.
I always listen and I always care
I always phone them and email them too
I’m not a burnt-out old hippie like you.
                        Holio, holio holio ho
                        Everyone loves me wherever I go

That stuff you’re eating, I used to eat that.
It made me bloated and stupid and fat
Eat what I eat, and you surely will see
You can be brilliant and slender like me.
                        Holio, holio holio ho
                        Everyone loves me wherever I go

That stuff you’re smoking, I used to smoke too.
It got me high and then it made me blue
Quit your addiction, and have some mint tea
You can be clean and clear-headed like me.
                        Holio, holio holio ho
                        Everyone loves me wherever I go

I help the needy and I volunteer
Everyone tells me they’re glad I live here
Except the deluded and drug-addled few
Who like to hang out with a loser like you.
                        Holio, holio holio ho
                        Everyone loves me wherever I go