I intend to premiere the following in tonight's Singaround: last week I had most of the first and second verses, but it's all the better for having been allowed to mature in the wood.

SPANISH BEACHES
by Dr M J Carter
Tune: Spanish Ladies

Farewell and adieu to you long Spanish beaches
Farewell and adieu to the beach-bars of Spain
For we'll get no closer than a coffee-shop in Eastbourne
And we fear that we never will see you again:

       We'll rant and we'll roar like true British tourists
       We'll rant and we'll rave in our convoy of cars
       For the great English motorway is the world's longest car park
       From London to Dover is thirty-five hours.

We all were prepared for two days of travelling
Halfway to Heathrow as we drove through the night
Comes a text from our carrier who greatly regretted
They were keeping our cash but they cancelled our flight:

       We'll rant ....

These delays at the border were most unexpected
We shuffle along in the Leper Lane trail
Those Frenchies have adopted our quaint English custom
Of a thorough inspection at the speed of their snails:

       We'll rant ....

And on the way back there's a wife who is furious
Her husband's made free with the duty-free gin
There's none left in the baggage, but the customs official
Says, "I'm sorry, we must charge you duty on him":

       We'll rant ....

We'll holiday next year in the old English manner
By taking our ease in the Bank Holiday sun
In a true English tailback from Truro to Brummagen
We'll show M'sieur le Passport how this should be done:

       We'll rant ....

Filkstamp: Fri Aug 26 10:42:15 2022
This parody Copyright © 2022 Martin J Carter

Footnote:

The voices in this satire are not intended to represent opinions of
any persons living, dead or queueing, or even the author.