From Paul Cookson on FarceBook - too good not to post!

Daily poem

Okay then, this is what happened. I was most of the way through the following poem yesterday when the news came in. I thought it would be a shame to waste all those rhymes so I had to rewrite the ending ...

THE KRAZY KWASI KARTENG KARTOON KRACKPOT KALCULATOR

It’s magical and mythical
Most marvellous creation
Mysterious and mystical
Guaranteed to save a nation
No-one knows just how it works
Not even its creator
The Krazy Kwasi Karteng Kartoon Krackpot Kalculator

Defies the views of experts
With built in analytics
Internal logic systems
That don’t deal in specifics
Completely independent
Requires no regulator
The Krazy Kwasi Karteng Kartoon Krackpot Kalculator

You simply could not make it up
Except the fact he did it
Can’t comprehend the working out
Not least because he hid it
No mere work of fiction like
The Great Glass Elevator
The Krazy Kwasi Karteng Kartoon Krackpot Kalculator

Only has two buttons
No need for anymore
Addition for the rich
Subtraction for the poor
A tap-tap here, a tap-tap there
For the fiscal mass debater
The Krazy Kwasi Karteng Kartoon Krackpot Kalculator

No memory recall at all
No sign of the times
No button for division
Or for the equal sign
An extra button labelled
Rich Tax Renumerator
The Krazy Kwasi Karteng Kartoon Krackpot Kalculator

The madman of the maths
The crazy vacant grin
Glasses glazed and fazed
At the numbers massaged in
Self satisfied and glassy eyed
The smile of an alligator
The Krazy Kwasi Karteng Kartoon Krackpot Kalculator

It’s got the bells and whistles
It pings and dings and makes a noise
Rotates, vibrates and calculates
For boys who like to play with toys
No real sign of growth at all
From this simulator
The Krazy Kwasi Karteng Kartoon Krackpot Kalculator

Tap five and eight, double oh, eight
Then turn it upside down
An adequate description
To the answers that he’s found
Still he cannot handle
The budget hot potato
The Krazy Kwasi Karteng Kartoon Krackpot Kalculator

Uh-oh, oh no – out of control
Nothing’s making sense
Disrupting and bankrupting
Changing pounds to pence
Someone has to take the blame
So goodbye! See you later …

All thanks to
You know who
And his nothing backed up
Crocked and cracked up
Self imploding, overloading
Complete collapsing and exploding
Kamikaze self destructing
Booby trapped and self corrupting
Krazy Kami Kwasi Karteng
See his car now fast departing
Krazy Kami Kwasi Kancellor
Yet another now ex-chancellor
Thought it was his calculator…

Instead it’s Truss’s Terminator
And Chancellor Regenerator

Poem 975
Saturday 15th October 2022