When father papered the parlour
Written by Robert Weston & Fred Barnes
Performed by Billy Williams 1910's

Our   parlour wanted papering Pa said it was waste
   To call a paperhanger in and so we made some paste
   He bought some rolls of paper a ladder and a brush
   And with my Mummy's nightgown on at it he made a rush.
   
   When Father papered the parlour, you couldn't see pa for paste
   Dabbing it here, dabbing it there, paste and paper everywhere
   Mother was stuck to the ceiling; the kids were stuck to the floor
   I never knew a blooming family so stuck up before.
   
   The pattern was ‘blue roses' its leaves red white and brown
   He'd stuck it wrong way up and now we all walk upside down
   And when he trimmed the edging off the paper with the shears
   The cat got underneath it and Dad cut off both its ears.
   
   Soon Dad fell down the stairs and dropped his paperhanger's can
   On little Henrietta sitting there with her young man
   The paste stuck them together as we'd thought 'twould be for life
   We had to fetch the parson in to make them man and wife.
   
   We're never going to move away from that house any more
   For Father's gone and stuck the chairs table to the floor
   We can't find our piano though it's broad and rather tall
   We think that its behind the paper Pa stuck on the wall.
   
   Now, Father's sticking in the pub through treading in the paste
   And all the family's so upset they've all gone pasty faced
   While Pa says, now that Ma has spread the news from North to South
   He wishes he had dropped a blob of paste in Mother's mouth.