One of the members of my song circle/jam group/occasionally performing band broke this out after we had played a blues (I was on harp, with two guitars and me trading breaks, one of the guitarists singing, and a keyboard playing rhythm). When we finished, the keyboard player read this aloud to the group. It seems appropriate for this thread:

HOW TO SING THE BLUES (attributed to Memphis Earline Gray, with help from Uncle Plunky)

1. Most blues begin "Woke up this morning..."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues unless you stick something nasty in the next line:

I got a good woman--with the meanest dog in town.

3. Blues are simple. After you thave the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes, sort of:

Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and he weighs about 500 pounds.

4. The blues are not about limitless choice.

5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can¹t sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.

8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
a. violet
b. beige
c. mauve

9. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall; the lighting is wrong.

10. Good places for the blues:
a. the highway
b. the jailhouse
c. the empty bed

11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.

12. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.

13. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline. it's the blues. Other blues beverages are
a. wine
b. Irish whiskey
c. muddy water

Other blues beverages are not
a. any mixed drink
b. any wine kosher for passover
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)

14. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to ddie. So are the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It¹s not a blues death if you die during a liposuction treatment.

15. some blues names for women:

a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie

16. Some blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Lightning

Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

--seed