This may or may not have been perpetrated in the Singaround (might it have been in Camp Harmony?): all I can remember of the first online performance is Herself trying to tell me the banjo was too loud, and that I couldn't hear what she was saying over the racket from the banjo .... Anyhoo, here's the words for them as couldn't hear them properly the first time, tamped down by more extended sing-testing.

BLACK VELVET BAND (variant)
By: Dr M J Carter
Original: Black Velvet Band (trad)

In a quaint little town they call Scunthorpe,
A group of us started to play
Singing Irish songs in an Irish pub
To music'ly round off the day;
What name, says the landlord, shall I put upon
These publicity posters I've planned?
Says the colleen at the next table,
What else? --- they're the Black Velvet Band:

       Her hair was all purple and diamonds,
       We thought her our number-one fan,
       For every night in the audience
       She cheered for the Black Velvet Band.

Are you lads good enough to try touring?
Says she in a quiet aside;
While you sit there drinking and doubting,
You never will know 'til you've tried ....
We bought the extra equipment,
Insured it for seventeen grand,
And started to traipse round the country as
The Unbroken Black Velvet Band:

       Her hair ---

One night halfway through the tour, m'Lud,
The last thing my mem'ry retains
Is going downstairs for an unfinished pint
That was plaintively calling my name ....
When I woke next morning, my eyeballs
Did throb with an almighty clang;
Once I'd gathered my wits, we discovered our kit
Had deserted the Black Velvet Band:

       Her hair ---

After weeks of careful enquiry,
Thus spake the Constabulary:
Your van was abandoned near Grimsby
As empty as cold charity;
The guitars have long since gone E-Bay,
The PA's in Afghanistan,
And the drum kit's on a container ship
That's halfway to Van Diemen's Land:

       She put on a wond'rous performance,
       But now we know now she was no fan,
       For ev'ry night from the audience
       She was casing the Black Velvet Band.

When we tried to claim on insurance,
We found that the going gets rough
When insurers ensure that no policy
Is quite comprehensive enough;
And that's where we rest our case, m'Lud,
And trust that you now understand
The accused steals band kit to order,
And she scuppered the Black Velvet Band:

       She put on a wond'rous performance,
       But now we know now she was no fan,
       For ev'ry night from the audience
       She was casing the Black Velvet Band ....

       Her hair was all purple and diamonds,
       We thought her our number-one fan,
       For every night in the audience
       She cheered for the Black Velvet Band.

Filkstamp:      Sun Jan 1 15:02:05 2023 GMT
This parody Copyright © 2023 Martin J Carter