Terrible night. All sinuses and other head passages above the chest, totally blocked. The pain across the bridge of my nose and around my eye sockets, legendary. Nostrils red raw. A throat that feels like I've spent the night gargling with gravel. Sneezing for England. This is no lingering head cold. This is me lingering around a severe rheumy purge. If this isn't man flu, I don't know what is. Kleenex share prices have doubled. I need everyone to feel sorry for me please. I comfort myself with the fact that it's yet another ague that I (hopefully) can't die of. Just be grateful that viruses can't transmit across the internet. My mum would have told me to offer it up for the holy souls. They can just bugger off as far as I'm concerned. They should have behaved better while they were here. Purgatory is the here and now.

Oh woe.