From New Yorker humorist Andy Borowitz, Melania Sends Thoughts and Prayers

PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—As Donald J. Trump became the first former President in U.S. history to be arraigned, his wife, Melania, marked the occasion by sending thoughts and prayers.

According to Mike Lindell, better known as the MyPillow guy, the former President was “surprised” to be on the receiving end of his wife’s thoughts and/or prayers.

“Mr. Trump had not been expecting to receive thoughts and prayers,” Lindell said. “He’s mainly been focussing on donations.”

Although it is not known how many thoughts and how many prayers the former First Lady sent, sources familiar with her thoughts and prayers believe that they are considerably fewer than the number of felony counts in her husband’s indictment.

Speaking to reporters at Mar-a-Lago, Mrs. Trump said that she would have “no comment” on the Manhattan District Attorney, Alvin Bragg. “I have a saying,” she said. “‘When they go low, we go high.’”

(Another saying lifted from Michelle Obama, for those across the pond who might not catch the plagiarism reference.)