I'd love the joke to be on me if it raised a laugh. I'd love the joke to be on you but I see naught but tragedy in your direction, and you appear to be having a bad week across the threads. I blame memories of mushrooms. Anyway.

I love trying to pack myself into a small suitcase but I really struggle. I can hardly contain myself.

I went out once with a girl called Simile but we didn't get on. I don't know what I metaphor.