I was so crap at guitar that I grew the nails on both hands really long, and painted them wierd colours. Now when anybody asks if I play, I just hold out the talons and say, "Does it look like I play?", and they get so caught up asking me if they're real and how lazy do I have to be to keep them so nice, that they forget the original question. Then again, I saw Dolly Parton playing fine with her huge false nails, and she put me to shame. S'pose I've got no excuse now!!!

P.S. put metallic nail varnish on them, they'll be as strong as tungsten...