Don't let it mess with your head. Such people are past masters at concealing their predilections whilst putting on a face. I've mentioned in other threads a couple of people in my life who fooled us all into thinking they were pillars of society. One pretended to us all that his wife had tragically died and he was moving into our area to start afresh. He died of leukaemia a few years ago, and only then did we discover that his wife was still very much alive and that he'd fled from accusations of sexual abuse of his own daughter (he'd lied about plenty else too). The other was in his eighties, a true man of the Church, who is now serving twelve years in prison for grooming and sexual abuse of small boys decades ago. Lots of us round here knew him well (though not well enough....) and we all feel incredibly bitter that we'd been hoodwinked by him for many years. To say that we feel tainted would be an understatement. We should feel good about the fact that we generally try to see the best in people. That opens us up to being deceived, but I'd far sooner have it that way than to go around automatically suspecting everyone all the time. I feel your pain, having been through similar emotions. But if you knew him and loved him for what you thought he was, that's you just being a proper human being. That's good enough, eh?