THE TRAVELLER

I came home on Saturday night
as drunk as I could be,
And there was a hat upon the rack
where my hat ought to be,
So I said to my wife, the curse of my life,
"Explain this thing to me,
Whose is that hat upon the rack
where my hat ought to be?"
   "Oh, you're drunk, you fool,
   You daft old fool,
   As drunk as a **** can be
   That's not a hat upon the rack
   But a chamberpot you see."
Well, I've travelled this wide world over,
ten thousand miles or more,
But a jerry with a hatband on
I never saw before.

I came home on Saturday night
as drunk as I could be,
And there was a horse in the stable
where my horse ought to be,
So I said to my wife, the curse of my life,
"Explain this thing to me,
Whose is this horse in the stable
where my horse ought to be?"
   "Oh, you're drunk, you fool,
   You daft old fool,
   As drunk as a **** can be
   That's not a horse in the stable
   But a milch cow you can see."
Well, I've travelled this wide world over,
ten thousand miles or more,
But a milch cow with a saddle on
I never saw before.

I came home on Saturday night
as drunk as I could be,
And there were some breeks beside the bed
where my breeks ought to be,
So I said to my wife, the curse of my life,
"Explain this thing to me,
Whose are those breeks a-lying
where my breeks ought to be?"
   "Oh, you're drunk, you fool,
   You daft old fool,
   As drunk as a **** can be
   Those aren't a pair of breeches
   But a polishing cloth you see."
Well, I've travelled this wide world over,
ten thousand miles or more,
But a polishing cloth with buttons on
I never saw before.

I came home on Saturday night
as drunk as I could be,
And there was a head on the pillow
where my head ought to be,
So I said to my wife, the curse of my life,
"Explain this thing to me,
Whose is this head a lying there
where my head ought to be?"
   "Oh, you're drunk, you fool,
   You daft old fool,
   As drunk as a **** can be
   That's not a head on the pillow
   But a mushmelon you see."
Well, I've travelled this wide world over,
ten thousand miles or more,
But a mushmelon with a moustache
I never saw before.

I came home on Saturday night
as drunk as I could be,
And there was a stain on the counterpane
and it didn't come from me,
So I said to my wife, the curse of my life,
"Explain this thing to me,
What's this stain on the counterpane
which doesn't come from me?"
   "Oh, you're drunk, you fool,
   You daft old fool,
   As drunk as a **** can be
   That's not a stain on the counterpane
   But some baby's milk you see."
Well, I've travelled this wide world over,
ten thousand miles or more,
But baby's milk that smelt like cum
I've never smelt before.