I had you down as a Honda Jazz man, Doug. We had one when it first came out. We traded it in when we realised that everybody else who had one was at least 30 years older than us. Anything more than an hour's drive in that thing had me needing back surgery and the short gearbox made the engine whine on the motorway. Awful thing, even though the clever back seats would let you fit a Ford Ka or something inside. I'm sure they've improved.

My Focus Titanium reads road signs but it lets me decide what to do about them. I haven't investigated whether the car can be set to decide what to do and I haven't got the faintest interest in finding out. I don't want lane assist, pre-crash assist, cruise control, telling me what gear I should be in or any of that paraphernalia. The most unintelligent thing about my car is the intelligent windscreen wipers. The problem seems to be that they don't actually know what rain is. And. The "automatic" headlights come in without fail in low, bright sun but never in fog. I do find parking sensors to be quite useful, though my son regards them as "a bit girlie." I can lock, unlock, start and stop my car without taking the key out of my pocket. My tailgate unlocks so that I don't have to put my shopping down in the dogshit while I grovel for a key. That's quite cool.

George Carlin:

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"