Carol.. I didn't have to fast for my Meniere's test one..... it was great... like being on a really good roller coaster......... she did my good ear first.. and when I went "Weee Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"... she said "Oh dear the other ear is REALLY going to be fun"... and it was...... admittedly the having a balloon filled with cold water in your ear cannal was uncomfy..... but I thought the roller coaster was good...... damn shame the result had to be positive though!!!... ah well........

I was going to come in here and do the good old "pap test" or "smear" (as we used to call it at home) (Ben Elton used to do a great routine on this)... but Susan has already covered most of it...

you lie on an always uncomfy table, usually in a cold room stick your feet in stirrups.... point your private bits at face level towards a stranger.. who ALWAYS has cold hands.... and by the way the afore mentioned private parts are ALWAYS pointing towards a door where anyone could walk in at any second... failing that they will be pointing towards a window which SHOULD have curtains...

if you are very lucky (read 'rarely) he, (pray he's a he.. 'cos the women are usually rougher)... will have warmed the speculum, (LARGE metal object shaped roughly like a ducks beak, only the width of a toilet roll insert).....

anyway warmed or not... hopefully he will remember to lubricate this (trust me I saw one who couldn't find the KY, run it under the cold tap for lubrication..... owwwwwww)..... before he proceeds to ram it up a part of you that would rather be treated a bit more gently....

having done that.. then he cranks it open.... just for the sheer hell of it.. and swivels it a bit to find the cervix...... then comes the immortal line.... "Just try to relax - this might be a little uncomfortable"!!!!!

then... he takes a little scraper thingy and scrapes some cells off the cervix... all the while the "duck beak" is open in a full throated "quack"... eventually he will close it (you hope) and remove it.... at which point you breathe a big sigh of relief until he says "OK lets just do a little check."

you are now in for the thrill of a bi-manual examination...

basically he shoves one hand up inside you pressing at least a couple of fingers against the cervix.. while at the same time the other hand is pressing through your abdomen trying to get the top of your womb.... great fun..... I think it's just something they do for kicks myself.....

I probably made that all sound a bit gruesome.... BUT I do strongly recommend you have it done regularly..... it is better than what could be missed if they didn't do it....

slainte

alison